Pumpkin picking and carving

Last Saturday we went to a pumpkin patch here in town and it was super fun, but wicked hot. (sorry, that's my Adam Sandler influence coming out) Seriously though, it was like 75 degrees out but I am like nearly 6 months pregnant and with hot sun blazing down, and me not used to be out in the sun anymore, it was really hot. I know... I'm a wimp. :-)

Anyway, we found some really nice pumpkins, walked through a very short (and dorky) corn maze, let the kids romp in the hay tower, and looked at the cute craft barn they had set up. And hubby couldn't leave without buying a pomegranate to show the kids how to eat one. It was a good time.













Last night we carved our pumpkins. (Or as Rebecca says, we killed em') It was fun had by all except Josiah. He was not impressed with this ritual what-so-ever! We tried to get him interested in pulling the guck out of the pumpkin but he gave us an emphatic "No". So I took his hand and put it in with mine but he was pretty freaked, so then I tried to get him just to feel it, and that was a no-go as well.

Totally yucky mommy! Somebody save meeee...

Oh my goodness, what are these crazy people doing?

Feeling... a... little... nauseous, now. (he actually was gagging almost the whole time)

Oh, pew! That stinks Daddy! If I wasn't sick before, I'm gonna be now.

Aw, finally, my own pumpkin to color!

Phew, what a night! I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted!

Tune in tomorrow for more great halloween pictures. I had a great time coming up with our halloween menu for today. Here it is: Enjoy!

Breakfast: Flap Jack O'Lanterns (get it flap jacks... pancakes) I dyed them orange.

Snack: Spiders and Vampire Blood (ritz crackers and peanut butter, and rasberry smoothies)

Lunch: Mummies in coffins, and mac-n-cheese (at least it was orange)

snack: Rotten Apples (baked apples with gummy worms coming out top)

Dinner: Worms and eyeballs (spaghetti and meatballs), Vampire repellant (garlic bread), and what I'm most proud of Brain Cell Delight (jello salad).

Dessert: Jack O'Lanterns (popcorn balls)

See you all back tomorrow. :-)

Encouragement and Frustrations

This week has been filled with both.

I am encouraged this week that my spotting has almost all stopped. I have only had a very little bit this week and I am really happy about that. I usually go at least 1-2 days without. And all this encouragement with the fact that I have been up a little bit more at home. I have decided to try to be up just a bit more and see what my body can handle. So I get up and get myself a quick snack and something to drink, and I sit on the floor with Josiah for a couple minutes to help him with a toy or change a diaper. This morning when I got done with my shower, I thought everyone was still sleeping (sister was actually getting ready) so I went upstairs to get Josiah and made us some instant oatmeal and toast for breakfast. That was the first time in a month I have actually been able to make myself some food, other than grabbing a muffin or bagel for snack. It is really quite an accomplishment for myself. Not that I plan to get up every morning and do such things, I'm not ready for that yet, but it's the small steps that make me feel better about myself. Anyway, with all the movement I have had (which in reality, still makes me sound like a sloth) I have been feeling rather well. Don't worry folks I'm not gonna go off backpacking or something, or definitely not even venture on a walk around the block yet, but moving around the house a bit is a good thing.

My frustrations this week mostly goes back to caring for my son. I really want to get back in there and be the mommy and take care of him but I know I can't becuase of my limitations. My body does let me know when I take one too many steps. I would love to be able to pick up my son. You have no idea how my heart breaks to see others be able to pick him up effortlessly and comfort him when gets an owie or when he jsut needs a hug. That is hard for me. Also, what bothers me is the fact when I do try to scold him or just talk to him he throws a fit. He doesn't listen to me hardly at all. I understand that it's probably because he has learned that I can't always just get up and make him obey me, but it certainly doesn't make things any easier. I suppose that is why I ultimately decided I am going to get up more and make more of an effort to play with him more. I want him to be comfortable with me again. I want him to simply listen to me. This is probably the hardest thing that I have to deal with these days.

Well there's that and watching my husband work tirelessly at work then to come home this week and get our apartment finished. Tonight all he has left is to gather what's left in his truck and clean the house. Then he is done. I am very proud of all the work he has accomplished. He has done this nearly all by himself(except for some help from my Dad and brother-in-law moving furniture, and my sister last night shlepping boxes) and he is exhausted but he has really done so much. He deserves something really nice... jsut wish I could serve him. :-(

Well folks, always good to hear from you all, take care and give those you love big hugs and never take that for granted! It's a good thing. :-) Blessings to all.

lessons to learn

Since most of my posts lately have been about me and the baby, I thought I would write a little about my firstborn. :-)

He learned a very important lesson today...

We have been putting him down for his nap in our bedroom becuase that is closest area that I can keep an ear out for him. Well, also in our bedroom is all kinds fun things to play with that he doesn't normally get to "play" with. For example, the baby monitor. I had turned it off this morning after getting up as I do every morning. So, I'm sure Josiah thought, what other better thing to play with than the baby monitor that happened to be sitting right beside the bed today. Along about a half hour after I laid him down for his nap, I heard this very loud scratchy, crackly sound and then a very loud screech and cry. At first I didn't know what happened but as soon as the door came flying open with Josiah screaming and shaking from head to toe, I knew exactly what had just taken place. I turned off the monitor and then got down on my knees to hug him but he was literally shaking from head to toe. So I held him for a couple minutes while I relayed the events to my sister who was now standing in the doorway wondering what in the world all the ruckus was. She picked him up for me and put him back in bed, since I am still on a strict no heavy lifting ordinance. I got him calmed down and within probably about 10 minutes he was out.

Looking back, it seems like a comical experience. As I relayed it to my husband he kinda thought so. There are tough lessons for little 3 yr olds to learn to keep their hands off of and I guess today he learned that you can't touch things that make lots of noise. :-)

Below is a picture of my big boy from this morning. Mmm, I wonder what that face could mean?

And just for the Gramma's who read this blog, he is about 3 feet 3 inches tall and about 32 pounds or so these days. And crashing cars is still his favorite past-time. :-)

Blessings to you.

A good thing

My sister, my son and I walked into the new doctor's office yesterday afternoon and were pleasantly surprised at the atmosphere in there. I don't think I have ever been to a dr's office that made you feel comfortable. It had lovely couches that were actually comfortable and great parenting and pregnancy magazines and books all over the tables, and there was a great children's area filled with books and toys off in one corner. Not to mention the fantastic receptionist, who ended being my dr's daughter. She got me checked in and then actually talked to me. I have never had a conversation with a receptionist at a dr's office before. Wow, what a concept, nice people. She asked how my pregnancy was going and I explained about the previa and now placental abruption and my bleeding. She told me that she currently has complete placenta previa with her pregnancy as well. I was like really, wow. She then went on to tell me that she had it with her last one as well and even though she did not have bleeding she understood how scary it was. She said that her placenta had moved by the end of her pregnancy and she was able to have a normal delivery. She was encouraging to me and it made me feel right at ease. So all 3 of us waited in the waiting room for maybe 15 minutes or so before being called back. The nurse first took all my vitals. It's nice to know I have only gained about 11 pounds so far. :-)

Anyway, the dr finally came in and he got a brief description of what has happened in my pregnancy so far. Then he spoke with me a little bit answering my many questions about my situation. Then he said why don't we jsut take a look and see where your placenta is. In the room was already an ultrasound machine.(the best quality u/s I have ever seen in a dr's office before!!) It was great to have a dr actually explain all the things we were looking at and why it was important. He first wanted to have a good look at the placenta. He explained to me exactly where it was, and how much of it was attached, and where the abruption is. He also showed us where some blood was that was eventually going to come out, (which is what the spotting is that I am having) or he said it's possible it could be re-absorbed as well. He was quite optimistic about the outcome of this pregnancy after seeing what was really happening inside there. He encouraged me the baby looked great and yes, there is an abruption but there is about a 95% chance or more that the placenta will move as my uterus gets bigger to make room for the growing baby. That is great odds! We explained to him what kind of care I had been getting and the grim outlook my Kaiser dr had and that we really wanted a dr to be on our side and be optimistic and help us get through this and give us options rather than looking at the grim side of things. We told him that we go to church and in no way did we want to think about having to terminate this pregnancy. He told us that he was on the same page as we are and he is optimistic that things will be ok and this baby will make it. He was also very explicit with his instructions as to when and how much I can get around. Pretty much as long as I am still spotting then I need to take it as easy as possible, some movement is ok, but I need to not be doing much at all. Now if have like 3-5 days without any spotting then I can start adding a little more activity to my schedule but not lifting heavy things or anything like that. He said to understand that I will be taking it easy the rest of this pregnancy. No matter if I stop spotting or not, I will still need to rest a lot. And that is ok. :-) As we were leaving he shook my hand and told me God bless you.

You have no idea how good my heart feels today. I felt so good last night. The best I have felt in a month! It's really amazing how just having an optimistic dr can change your whole outlook on things. Yes, things are still pretty much the same. I do have a placental abruption and in and of itself is not a great thing but I feel like we can face this and overcome it rather than be overcome by it. Does that make sense? And yes, I still will be sitting on this here couch for the next 3 months or so but it doesn't seem so bleak. I guess I felt like I wasn't making a difference, that somehow no matter what I did, I could still lose this baby at any time. And to an extent I guess that is true with any pregnancy, but I don't have to dwell on that. All I need to think of is that I am doing the best thing for my baby by taking care of me and resting my body. I feel a little less cautious now about shopping for this little one as well. I was so reluctant to buy anything yet b/c somewhere in the back of my mind I felt that maybe it wasn't going to be. I understand I will still have those moments but at least I have reassurance that my dr is going to help fight for this baby. And that is what makes all the difference in the world to me!
Blessings to you all!

A little bit of change

I suppose after sitting here thinking about my title there has been much of that lately.

There is a changing of the season happening all around but I had no idea becuase of my enclosed world here on the couch. I see a few trees in the backyard but it seems they are late color changers. So my dear sister talked me into going for a short drive this last weekend, while my husband and Dad were moving all of furniture and boxes out of our apartment into a storage unit. It was lovely. I couldn't believe all that I was missing out on. It was beautiful what God was doing to my world while still taking care of the babe inside of my womb.
Here is a picture I took out the window on my journey outdoors (sitting in the truck).


Another change that I had been considering for some time is getting a second opinion on my condition. My doctor, I have come to understand, is a bit of pessimist. Which is generally exactly how I feel about myself and what is happening. So her telling me things like what little chances my baby had after my bleeding episode, or that we may have to terminate the pregnancy if I started to bleed again, and that I may never stop spotting. Frankly comments like these completely freak me out and starting setting me into quite a depression. I felt myself pulling away from my family and becoming terrified every time my spotting became just a little more. I don't like living like this. A friend recently told me that it's ok for me to be where I am and to allow myself to feel what I needed to. Unfortunately, even though I know she means me well and did not mean it to be a bad thing, I did let myself feel the gravity of my situation and solitude of it. For me, that was a bad path and I caught myself on that mind path on Monday. I have learned of myself in the past that I cannot take the pessimistic route in life otherwise I end up exactly where I was before I became pregnant with Josiah. We won't go there right now, but it wasn't good. Anyway, all of this to say that my husband and I decided that I am going to start seeing another dr. The sooner the better we decided. My husband's insurance has both me and my son on the policy and it is not a HMO type service. And the hospitals are WAAAAYYY more appealing than the one I was stuck in for almost 3 days. That's another story altogether there... Someday I will write about that. So I went in search last friday for a new dr on our new insurance. I felt the Lord leading me as I found this one particular dr's website. I began to read about him and found out that he is a christian, and readily talks about it on his website and belongs to several christian dr groups, he also takes many month-long dr witness trips. And to top it off he states that he practices in High risk pregnancies. Well I was hooked, and finally yesterday morning my husband told me that he wanted me to call the dr that I had found. So I did and talked with the sweetest receptionist in the world on the phone. She eventually, after hearing all about my story and talking with the dr, told me that he wanted to see me right away, this Thursday. That is tomorrow. YAY! I was thrilled. I am not sure that I can get my health records all sent over by then but he was ok with that. So I am off tomorrow to see a new doctor who can at least if anything give me a different perspective on things. Wish me luck and I will update as soon as possible.
Blessings to you all.

20 weeks yesterday

I got a call from my dr yesterday morning and she told me that the Perinatologist has changed my due date. We all kind of thought he would anyway since the baby kept measuring a bit larger. So my new due date is February 28, 2007.

She also explained what the Perinatologist believes is the problem. He beleives that there was a placenta previa but no longer is, it is now considered low lying. That is the good news. Now for the part that is really confusing... he said that when my placenta moved from cervix that it became pulled away from my uterus. Meaning I now have a placental abruption. It is a small part, but that little part is what is still bleeding and causing my continued spotting. The dr's are hoping that when my uterus grows it will pull the placenta up further and give the placenta more room to attach itself. It is possible however that it will not re-attach itself. In that case, as long it does not bleed profusely, just spots off and on, it will be ok. I will just have spotting. So again we are in a waiting game. I will have another ultrasound somewhere down the road, I just don't know when quite yet. The baby is still in danger, becuase of part the placenta not being attached, and my health is mostly what the dr is worried about now. As long as I don't bleed too much I will be ok, I just need to continue sitting here and do my part in growing this child for as long as I can keep him in my body.

Well onto something a bit lighter... here is a picture of my growing 20 week pregnant body. I know, I look tired, but hey it was taken at 10 pm at night. :-) Enjoy!

Lessons from a 3 year old

Today my wonderful sister in law sent me the cutest video of a momma kitty who became a surrogate nursing mother to some puppies. She had lost her own kitties, and the mother of the puppies was unable to take care of her pups so she took them in and nursed them. They must have made the news, hence the video clip making it's email rounds. If I could figure it out I would post it here for you to watch but I honestly don't know how, sorry.

Anyway, I watched the video with my 3 yr old son. He has quite a empathetic heart. So the poor dear told me after we watched it that he wanted to go see them. I told him that they lived too far away and that we can't go there. He then pipes up and tells me quite matter-of-factly that we go in momma's car. I giggled and told him that no, I was sorry but we could not do that today. He continued to beg pretty please. I asked him why and he told me help kitty. Is he jsut not the cutest thing!? I guess I am raising a pretty good kid after all. I have to admit it's kinda hard to tell when he sits at the dinner table and screams, no, to you when you try to bribe him with ice cream if he eats his dinner, just the night before. :-)

Anyway, this whole situation got me thinking of my situation today. I have been very scared lately, but not trying to show it. I still have spotting each day and it is increasingly alarming to me. It is hard for me not to think about. I was praying quite profusely this morning, and found myself asking the Lord to please comfort my heart today. I think he found the best way possible. That is through my son. My son has taught me many things, but the few that stand out to me are that you always have to keep trying. Never give up, or give in. And to always see the positive. There is always a way. You just have to keep trying.

Right now I need perseverance to get through this pregnancy safely and end it with a happy, healthy baby. I was reading my bible this morning and this is the first verse I found, it may not mean much reading it but it meant a lot to me.
Romans 5:3-5
"And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character,hope; and hope does not dissapoint, becuase the love of God has been poured out within out hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

I leave you with one last verse today. Blessings to you all.

Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Change is good..

At least a change of scenery is good for the soul. Since I am almost pretty much stuck to the same area all the time now, I thought it would be nice to have a new look on my blog. Hope you like it. :-)

This last weekend my hubby started packing our apartment up. He is now in charge of pretty much everything there. I went over there with him a little on each day this weekend though. Mostly for moral support and (shhh don't tell him this part) but to keep him on task. If you know my dearest husband at all, you know that he is really good at procrastination. I have to say though that he did a great job packing up. He got our bedroom, and bathrooms done. And a good start to our son's room. This week, however, each night he has quite a list of items to take care of before my Dad comes to town. This includes my china cabinet. And I get no say in how this is packed... is anybody else nervous for me? :-) Well, I trust him, especially since he went to Home Depot and picked up some bubble wrap and small boxes for that purpose. I will jsut have trust in my faithful husband that he won't break my tea cups and saucers, at least not on purpose. :-)

On to other things... the baby is getting more active each day. It is super fun to feel him "poking" around in there. Well, not so much when it's my bladder that is the target but all in all it is a huge blessing to feel my son inside of me. :-) I grabbed hubby's hand really quick yesterday when my son started poking towards my belly button and he got to feel our son's soft and gentle pokes. It was very special for us. :-) Hence, this is today's positive thought. Baby's movements are totally awesome. :-) Please remind me of that later in pregnancy. :-)

Blessings to all.

Positive thoughts...

Well today folks I need to focus on positive ideas about this baby. After a fitful night of terrible dreams and awful hip pain and then today I started having some more spotting, I decided I have to think on positive and good things. I am terribly worried about this baby today and that is not good for my health or the baby's. I ask you all to help me keep my mind on good things throughout this pregnancy so I can bring this baby to term. I NEED to do this, and I know I can. I guess I just need to keep myself accountable by writing on these good thoughts to keep my mind on. If you have any ideas for me please leave a message. Thank you.

Phillipians 4:8 "...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

So every day I am going to find a new item to post about so that I can come back here and see how many good things I have to think about instead of being stressed. Today's positive thought is about baby names. I have been researching names for this little boy for a very long time. And my husband and I have been discussing names and not exactly agreeing. There are a few things that we do agree on though, and that is the name will be a "J" name to go along with our family theme (we are all J names), also we want a biblical name that means something to us.

My husband keeps asking me if I like Jeremiah, and I have to say I have not been fond of it. Today I decided I wanted to keep an open mind and just dig my way through some biblical names and let God speak to me through them. I spent some time with the name Jacob and exploring what that means to me. One question... what exactly does "He who supplants" mean? I think the exact translation means He who takes the place of. Mmm, good thoughts. One website suggested that it could possibly translate into "may God protect". And then I spent more time with the name Jeremiah. One website says that it means "God will uplift." There is a lot to think of that meaning. Does that mean that God will uplift this child's life literally, like to heaven, or does it mean that God will improve or exalt this child's life? Dictionary.com has many meanings for the word uplift: like raise up, or to improve, or to exalt. Mmm I think these are good things to think on today.

The list of names that I have considered today are Jadon, James, Jamin.
If you have other J boy names that you really like or considerably like the meanings of then please mention them to me in a message. :-)
Thanks again for your support and love throughout my bedrest. Blessings to you all.